Torn Between Three Worlds

Do you ever feel overwhelmed? I do. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed on a daily basis. With 4 children to manage on my own, and a million little "death details" to see to -- I can often feel the weight of my new responsibility, and that weight can feel a heavy load to bear.  Let's face it, life can be pretty darn stressful -- no matter who you are, and no matter what you are going through. It can be easy to arrive at the point of exhaustion and feeling emotionally drained and burdened. Life is hard. It was meant to be so. Happiness is on the other side of hard. Funny how that works!

For me, I can become overwhelmed because I now live in three different worlds. I am only one person trying to dwell in three places at once -- no wonder I often feel torn and stretched! I live in the physical world, the virtual world, and now a part of me is in the spirit world! My soul and body bounce from these three different worlds throughout the day. Each world demands my attention, my emotions, and my time. I am trying to find a balance for myself, since each world is worth my energy, to some degree. Obviously the physical world is of utmost importance right now -- and should win the battle -- if ever there is one between the other two worlds.

The physical world is where I run, play, eat, love, and LIVE. I do not know how long I have on this earth... no one knows. But I want to soak it all in, and enjoy its beauty and fullness while I still have my mortal husk -- no matter how "husky" it is! The physical world is a glorious place, full of marvelous things to do, and experience with a body. This is my one shot at this mortal existence. I think I should enjoy it fully. Yes? Yes. I mean enjoy it fully how God has intended -- with the spirit and body as one, working together to experience true wholesome joy. What a blessing the physical body is, what a gift to dwell on this spectacular earth that God has created for us to experience happiness and life. It is full of wonderful people to love and hug, and share life with. There is so much to do, and see, and accomplish. There are so many wonders to explore and precious fleshy moments to cherish. I know my family prefers it when I am 100% in the physical world. Living life and being truly alive.

The virtual world is the internet. I use it daily for everything from email, blogging, Facebook, studying the gospel, managing my home, checking the news, family history, and a variety of other things. This world takes me from the physical world, turns me into a blob on my chair, and I seem to experience everything with only my brain. I am doing that right now, actually. I barely feel my body as I sit here typing this. It is amazing how powerful the virtual world is. It is not all bad powerful -- when used correctly, it can be a very wonderful powerful! I love the internet and technology for many reasons, but it can be highly addictive, and so I have to be careful of how I use it. I try to use my "virtual time" for good, as we have been encouraged to do by our church leaders. I want to be apart of flooding the earth with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and it is so much easier to do that when people can safely peek at the truth from behind their computer. I want to share the gospel however I can, and the internet is the very best way for me. I just know I am supposed to use it for that purpose. I have been told as much. And family history, of course... let's not forget that marvelous work and wonder!

The spirit world is a place I am only recently more familiar with, since Charles died. I had considered it before, and thought of those who have passed on -- especially with my love of family history. But now the love of my life is there, and so is a part of me. A huge part of me. That reality creates feelings in me that I never expected or imagined before. I can often be swept away in deep thought, and feeling, as I ponder the things of that sphere. I try to stay and feel close to Charles, but if I think about it too much, I can make myself crazy. If I dwell too much on that world -- a world I am not a part of yet -- I have a hard time living in the physical world, I end up feeling torn. I have to remind myself that I will have my chance to experience the spirit world firsthand for myself someday, but right now is my time to be here, in the physical world. And I need to make the most of my time while I have it. I should always have a place in my heart and mind for the spirit world -- how could I not? But like Dumbledore told Harry Potter, as he spent all his time in front of the mirror which showed him his deceased parents, "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that." I know what that feels like. And I am trying to really live now, and not dream my life away. The physical world will pass all too quickly... it deserves to be enjoyed and appreciated.

When I do feel overwhelmed and torn, I know what to do. I pray, and I reach for the light! I reach for my Heavenly Father. This morning I had an important meeting -- a very physical world kind of meeting -- and before I got out of bed, I said out loud, "Please help me Heavenly Father! I cannot do this alone!" I took my morning deep breath, and I gave my troubles to God, before my feet touched the ground. I still have to go through the motions and face the challenges of life, but I am learning (still learning daily!) how to give the rest to Him who knows and sees all things. He knows what is best for me. He knows how to turn bad things into miracles. He knows how to heal, and how to fill a life with light. He is my Father, I am his daughter. He loves me. I try to shake all the other stuff off, and let that really sink into my soul.

I have felt and seen His miracles. As I balance my three worlds, I know that He will help me. My sorrow has been heavy, but joy has been equally distributed to my soul.

If you are feeling overwhelmed -- as so many seem to be lately -- go to Him. Let Him lift your burdens. I have heavy burdens, and He lifts mine daily. I have to let Him re-lift them each and everyday. Every. Single. Day. He has time for me, and for you. He is in control. Don't forget that.

Let Him be in control!

It sure takes a load off of your soul.