My Family, My Rescue Team

My family came to my rescue. After Charles died, all of my siblings began the journey towards my home to be with me, and my children. They traveled to Idaho from Alaska, Utah, and Arizona. They put on hold all that they were doing, and came to help me. And there is no way I would have made it through that fragile time without them.

During the first few weeks I was in a state of shock, and completely overwhelmed with emotion. I was just trying to process everything, and work through the many difficult details that go along with dying. The whole thing was a total out-of-body experience. It is strange to see pictures of me from that time because they are proof that I was actually there in physical form, though everything was experienced by me from deep within my soul... everything felt like a dream.

Even though it was a time of intense grieving and sadness, my family somehow helped me to smile, and even laugh. Along with Jesus, and his gospel -- my family is my foundation of happiness. My family was my sure thing in the chaos of death and despair. They are the people that I have shared my life with, from the very beginning. They were mine, even before Charles was mine. There is nothing like a loving family built on the foundation of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is a beautiful thing. Family is a beautiful thing. I feel very blessed to have such a kind and giving family. My parents and brothers and sisters are such good, faithful, wonderful people. I am so glad they are mine forever!

My brothers and sisters came in and scooped up my children, and helped them to feel alive and happy. They took them to see movies, to get food, they played Legos, and all sorts of activities to help them feel the love of family, and the reality that our little family is not alone in the world. That our family is more than just our little unit in Idaho... it extends out into a bunch of loving and marvelous souls who love and care about us.

All of my happiest memories are with my family... with my little family, and my extended family.

Family is a divine institution, I can testify to that!

Oh, how I love my wonderful family!

I did not take many pictures during that time. I wish I would have, but I was a bit preoccupied and wasn't thinking of it. I only have a very few... 

This is my sister, Amy. She was William's rescuer. She came in and went right to him. There was an instant bond with them, and William just loved to be with her. It was so cute.

If you give my sister Kary a roll of toilet paper and a few minutes to think, she can come up with a game. (She used to be an elementary gym teacher.) 

I was kind of out of it, how did the game go again Kary?

This is how we watched General Conference. It was the weekend after Charles died. Talk about perfect timing. Notice where I am located on the couch. I am encircled in the arms of my family's love. Also, it is a good idea not to mess with me, cause they all have my back (and my front)! Let's just say I would want these people on my handcart pulling team. ;)

Smiling about who knows what? I am just surprised to see myself smiling.

My cousin Kellie (the one on the right) made the trip from Utah with her sweet friend. I was so happy to have them there! I did not know what I was going to do with little baby Henry during the life celebration, I just brought him hoping something would work out. Her friend volunteered to watch Henry in the nursery. It was a little big miracle!

A fuzzy picture of Sammi and Kary

We went out to a restaurant after the life celebration. I was a total zombie for it, but others seemed to be having fun. This is Sammi on cousin Jim's shoulders (he is 6 feet 5 inches).

And this is my brother John picking up Jim and Sam... before they all fell over. Like I said... if we have to pull handcarts, I know who I want on my team!

Cheese! We were all a little emotionally confused at this point. Between death and all the lessons from General Conference, we all had a lot on our minds! There were a lot of good conversations with everyone. I stayed up late talking to my baby brother John a few nights... just like when we were little. Johnny gave Charles' life sketch at the life celebration, and so we had to work that out together. He did an awesome job at delivering it with humor and skill. He was the right man for the job.

Even though it was an emotional roller coaster, we all kept smiling... despite being sad.

Kimmy, Amy, and Beppy sharing a laugh.

That is how my family rolls. We keep smiling through the hard stuff. That is how we were raised. And that is what Charles would want from us. We talked a lot about Charles and his humor, and jokes. It made us happy. I know that Charles was with us in a powerful way at the very beginning. I don't know this for sure, but I believe that when you die, you likely grieve for your loss and seperation from your family and loved ones. How could you not? I believe Charles was grieving and laughing along with us.

We went on a walk, I was still a zombie, but it made me feel alive. I went running a few days after with my brother and sister and it felt so strange. I felt so mortal. Just being able to breathe and move my body seemed bizarre. How was I doing it? I would ask myself. I should have been crying in the corner? But I did not want to. I wanted to BREATHE! And I needed to remind myself that I was still ALIVE.

My family helped pull everything together for the life celebration. My brother Bob put together beautiful slideshows that played in the cultural hall at the church. My whole family helped make the life celebration beautiful. My whole family -- including my wonderful church family -- who deserves a post all their own. 

Somehow we fit all these people into my 2 bedroom home. (Thank goodness for the couch!) Proof that when there is love, the size of the home does not matter.

This is baby John holding onto mommy. ;-)

And this is a very attractive picture of Charles entertaining my sisters at our family reunion last year. I believe he was telling a joke... or a silly story. Because that is what he did. 

This is a beautiful picture of Charles and my brother Johnny. They were buddies, AKA "Brudders." I have read in Charles' journal that when he had doubts about marrying me, he just could not bear the thought of not having my mom, and John, in his life -- so he went through with it. Thanks Mom and John! I owe you one! ;)

One day Johnny, and all of us, will be able to hug Charles again. I am pretty sure our hugs will look something like this... though I get the first one, and I may never let go!

Family is all about love. And boy howdy am I so grateful for my family!