Crying at School: A Post by Sammi

I went to Health class after lunch. There was a guest speaker. She had come to speak on organ donation. 

Now, this is already a hard topic, but during the presentation, she asked our class if we knew anyone who was an organ donor. She was probably expecting someone to say, "my grandma," or "my friend's twice removed uncle," or maybe she wasn't expecting anyone to raise their hand at all. 

I rose my hand and said, "My dad." She looked at me and then asked, "What did he donate?"   

       
"Everything he had." I replied. 

I was keeping it in pretty well through the class period. After class, my health teacher came up and apologized for putting me through that and said that I could always ask her if I could leave. Then the guest speaker came up to me and said how brave that was. They both said that I was amazing and my health teacher even gave me a hug. She asked if I needed a moment. "No," I replied, " I'm headed to choir." 

I hurried to choir as fast as I could without running. When I found my spot on the risers, I just sat down, buried my face in my hands and tried my best to breathe in and out. A few girls came over and asked if I was alright. I didn't know what to say. One girl who had come from Health to Choir with me came over and started to give me a hug. Then many more members of our choir asked what was wrong. The girl who was hugging me said, "she had to talk about her dad in Health class." Before I knew it, I was embraced in several pairs of arms. . . . I was laughing. . . . and I was crying. 

Through the tangled mess of arms, I could see my choir teacher looking at me. "Are you Ok? Do you need a minute?" he asked. I worded, "It's OK." I was shaking my head in many different directions, not knowing if I was really OK or not. 

We started class, did attendance, warmed up our voices, then started singing. 

This is how our first song went.... 

"How should I, your true love know. . . from another one. By his cockle hat and staff. . . . by his sandal shoes. He is dead and gone, lady. . . he is dead and gone. At his head a grass green turf, at his heels a stone. White his shroud as the mountain snow, larded all with sweet flowers. Which be wept to the grave did go, with true love powers." 

I do not, in any way on this Earth, blame my choir teacher for the emotion this song brings. He cannot take the time to think everything through for every single one of his students (he has 150), what I mean is that. . . yeah, I was crying again. 

It was rough, but I got through the choir period. The other songs are "Over the Rainbow" and "June is Busting Out All Over" which did pick up my spirits again. I couldn't help but think... wow. This day, day 179 without dad, was the first day that I have ever cried in class. I didn't know what to think. Was I finally breaking? 

After singing our songs, listening to some great performances, watching some funny music videos, and doing a minute to win it, including an Oreo and my forehead, the choir period was over. My choir teacher came up to me and asked what was wrong. I told him what had happened in Health. He said that he didn't know that my dad was an Organ Donor. He also asked for some clarification on what had caused his unexpected death. I told him this. . . 

"Ever since October of 2013, he had been feeling sick. For a while, he seemed fine, but it still was not common for him to be so sick. Then on April 1st, he had a really hard time breathing. My mom took him to the Emergency Room. His heart stopped a couple times, and after a while, he was completely brain dead. So, they took him off the machines and he passed away."

We talked for a little while longer and he said that he completely understood my reason for crying in class. I told him that I would certainly not make a habit of it. He gave me a quick hug and well wishes for the weekend. I told him "thank you" and returned the wish. 

As I went back to my locker to pack-up, I thought about what had happened that day. 

I could not believe I had just cried in school. 

I will try not to make it a regular habit.