Grateful for the ER

I spent last night in the Emergency Room. Henry had a fever of 104.5 and he was totally lethargic. I first took him to the Urgent Care, where they quickly determined that I should admit him into the ER for testing based on his stats, and the way he appeared. Henry has kidney issues -- and is susceptible to kidney infections -- so he needs a little extra care and urgency when things seem a little off, especially with such a high fever. 

I quickly made my way from the Urgent Care to the Emergency Room -- the same ER where Charles lost his heartbeat on April 1st. I thought I might lose mine as I walked through the doors of the ER, and a flood of horrible memories came rushing into my brain. I had been to the same hospital since that day, but not into the ER. 

As I sat with my hot Henry, surrounded by an assortment of interesting people, my heart was pounding from intense emotional stimulation. Not only was I there in that moment, worried for Henry's well-being, but I was also being tormented by recent experiences of losing my husband, just a few rooms away from where I sat. My fortitude was tested. Somehow, miraculously, I did not cry. Not one drop. Though I was alone, I somehow did not feel alone. I felt empowered in my struggle, as if someone was by my side. 

The interesting thing is, I had quite an emotional day already. I spent the day on the couch with Henry, taking care of him, loving him, and just holding his hot sickly body. I decided to just give in and spend the entire day coddling him -- everything else took a backseat. As I sat on the couch, I realized it was the first time I had actually sat there and done nothing for a really long time. I decided to embrace the couch, and I turned on a BBC show called Return to Cranford  -- ever seen it? It was great. I don't normally watch shows in the middle of the day, but Henry wanted me to hold him, he could care less what we were watching, and so I watched a show in the middle of the day, while snuggling my precious child. 

While I watched the show, I ended up bawling like a baby several times, for many reasons. There were death scenes, talk of widowhood, and other life tragedies, and all these things have a way different effect on me now. I let out some pretty severe pent-up tears. It was like everything busy had been paused for a moment, and I was allowed to feel. I needed that. I needed to release some raw emotion through my eyes. It is wonderfully healthy from time-to-time. 

After awhile though, Henry's temperature rocketed too high, and my peace was replaced with purpose. I dried my tears, flew into action, and we ended up in the Emergency Room. 

After waiting for awhile, we were lead to our room in the children's portion of the hospital. I was so grateful I was taken to a different area of the ER than where I was before. Had I walked past the ER room that Charles was in, I think I would have let some serious tears fly, and people would have thought me crazy. 

Meanwhile, back at home, I had to let the kids know what was going on. They were worried that I was in the ER. The last time I went there things did not turn out very well. I tried to communicate with them often, to reassure them that all would be well. 

The doctors proceeded to run a bunch of tests on Henry. He had blood drawn, an IV, they extracted fluid from his spine, they got a urine sample via a catheter, and a variety of other things. We were there for about 6 hours. Henry was such a good boy the whole time, he was so out of it, it made him more calm then he would have been normally. I held him the whole time. I was also at total peace. I took my own advice and just went through the motions. I also just tried to see the good in the situation, and so I offered many prayers of gratitude to my Heavenly Father for things like modern medicine, TV's with cartoons, and cell phones for constant communication. 

It was strange, but somehow I also felt really close to Charles there. I think that in those moments of need, that is when he will be there for me. Of course he would be in the ER with me, watching over our sweet baby. I just cannot explain the peace I felt. I was basking in it. It felt like a breath of fresh, invigorating, springtime air. And I experienced a strength beyond my own that was buoying me up, and keeping me feeling joy despite my stressful circumstances. 

After determining that there was nothing wrong with his kidneys -- or anything else that was an obvious threat -- we were sent home. I drove home to the kids late at night, and they were relieved to see Henry. They were all very worried for him. 

Another interesting moment last night was a huge crash of thunder, and a violent wind blew me awake to find Henry shaking, and really hot. (Henry was right next to me in bed.) He needed more Tylenol to bring his fever down. Again, it felt like Charles was with me, helping me watch over Henry. He always was so good at helping with our sick children. Why would he stop helping me now? 

Henry has since spent the whole day today on the couch not moving. He has not walked for 2 days now, he is too shaky -- quite the contrast from taking life head-on, like I just wrote about in another post. I have been back to the doctor today, since he is still so miserable, and they gave him some antibiotics -- though he threw those up. 

Right now he is resting in my bed, right next to me. That is where he has been sleeping for the last few nights. He is doing better, he is actually awake and alert sometimes. I think he just needs some really good rest. And I need him to keep his medicines down and not throw them up. 

So, would you say an extra little prayer for Henry? I am sure he will get better, it is just so sad to see him this way. We still don't know what he has… none of the tests uncovered any answers. We are waiting for more results. I am not afraid of a little fever, I have 4 kids and I have seen my fair share, but this one is different. 

Extra prayers are appreciated. And they work. I have seen it. 

The funny thing is, the topic I picked for my talk on Sunday is: Grateful in Any Circumstances. (Based on Elder Uchtdorf's talk: HERE.)  I just love the personal experiences you have to go through in order to teach and speak with power and understanding -- I should have thought of that beforehand! So far, this has been quite the week around here! Everything I had planned for this week had to be changed. It is a different experience taking care of everything -- like trips to the ER and doctor -- without a spouse to help. I have had to rely on others for help. It has been humbling, and talk about feeling gratitude! People are so good. 

I have decided that the next time I choose a talk topic it will be: How to be happy when everything in life is perfect. 

I could use some life-application lessons like that. ;-)