Triumphing over Tragedy with a Toddler

I have a two year old. He knows who his daddy is, for now. He still recognizes Charles' picture, and I will make sure he always knows who his father is. But sometimes I do feel a pit of sadness in my gut when I consider his future, without his father in his life. That was never part of the plan! Never part of my plan, anyway. 

The other kids are old enough that they all had a special relationship with daddy -- they will all remember him, and have the advantage of knowing how great he is. Henry loved to snuggle with daddy, and he would rush into his arms when he came home from work. But those memories may not stay with him over time. He is so very young.

I do think that Charles is sad about leaving us for many reasons, but one of the main reasons is that he will not be around to father our children. He believed with all of his heart that children deserve a loving mother and father, to love and protect them. We did everything we could to live our lives according to The Family a Proclamation to the World.  Now, I have had to do some adjusting -- since I am the head of the household -- but I want it to be known that I still cling to the words of this inspired document, with all of my heart. I have become a widow, and a single mother, but I will declare the sanctity and truthfulness of traditional marriage -- marriage between a man and a woman -- until I am out of breath to continue doing so. (Blog post about that another day, when I feel inspired.) 

I do not know what the future holds for our family. I do not know if Henry will ever know another father in his life -- I have no way of predicting that! Our future is in Heavenly Father's hands, and it will be done according to His will. I try not to fight against His will nowadays.

I do know that I will raise my little Henry as best I can, and I will teach him who his earthly father is, and what he believed in, and most importantly -- I will teach him who his Heavenly Father is. And I will make sure that he is surrounded by good men, who can be wonderful role models for him. Children need the influence of both good women and men in their lives, make no mistake about that! Though my children love me as their mother, they desperately want to be around men that they love and admire.

I do give my children everything that I am, and Heavenly Father has been filling in the cracks for me. It's been a miracle the way my children have handled everything. Little Henry has been a good "distraction" for all of us. He demands the attention of the entire house. His name does mean, "ruler of the home." His name fits!

Henry has been a blessing from Heaven. He is full of life, energy, and he needs constant looking-after. Without him, I may have had the chance to make the couch a more permanent residence for my bottom.  But with him, I have had to get up, chase him around, change his diapers, feed him, bathe him, clean the tornado of messes, and tend to his every need. (The other kids are super self-sufficient.) With him I have been surrounded by someone just super excited about being alive. Everything in the world is amazing to him, "Look an airplane! Look a bird! Look a rock!" He allows me to see through a child's wonder-filled eyes. He keeps me moving and active. Everything he does is full-steam ahead. Henry does not just walk -- he runs at life!

Back when Charles and I were trying to decide whether or not to have a 4th child, I was worried. I did not feel ready at the time. I was not in shape, or feeling awesome, and I was just scared. But I also had a strong impression that we should try to bring another child into the world. I am so grateful we were blessed with our Henry. He has been a healing balm for our family, during this difficult time.

When he was born, I was worried that his kidney issues would be horrible to handle. But I have since learned that when you are called upon to face trials you just walk through them one step at a time. One doctor visit at a time, one surgery at a time, etc. That is all you can do. And it works. Say a little prayer, go through the motions, and keep moving forward.

My Henry has helped me to triumph over the tragedy we have been facing. Because of him I still talk in a high-pitched, happy, motherly voice. Because of him I experience the world through a toddler's eyes, and partake in his ability to embrace life head-on, with no fear. He enjoys the moment. He wants to smile and giggle. He wants to play and have fun. He wants to ditch his clothes and run around in a diaper. He wants to snuggle and suck his thumb. He wants to play with his food. He wants to make cars fly.

He just lives life at 100% capacity.

I have a lot to learn from my little one.

No fear. Be happy. Face the world head-on…

Just live!! 

Smile!

 Play!

 Enjoy a cardboard box

 Explore!

 Look at life with wonder

 Don't forget to PRAY!

Daddy and Heavenly Father are holding you just like this… 

They want you to fly, and they will not let you fall!

They will always be with you.

I promise.