The Bumpy Roads We Travel

The check engine light came on in our van. We were on our way out the door on Sunday to make some cupcake deliveries, when the light flashed on the dashboard. I stopped the car and found the car manual to discover that the light was a "malfunction" light -- likely transmission or engine issues. I decided we should turn around and try our other car.

The "other car" has been sitting idle for the last six months. I have started it a few times, but I have not driven it -- it was Charles' car. It is the same car that he had started on April 1st to drive to work, but luckily he did not drive away in it that morning -- or else his story could have been far more traumatic than it was.

After we loaded everyone -- and the cupcakes -- in the small car, I turned the key to find it was making a horrible ticking noise. My heart sunk. Feeling completely disappointed, we unloaded everyone and went back inside the house, where I asked everyone to give me a minute so I could release some frustration and try and figure out what to do. Both of our vehicles are malfunctioning. The feeling of panic that came over me was intense -- I have places to go, and children that need to be where they need to be.

I felt simply overwhelmed. I have just finished healing-up Henry's medical emergencies, and now this? Really? 

Car issues were always Charles' domain -- not mine.

I sat for a minute, with tears beginning to fall, and then I started contacting people for help. (I hate asking for help.) I have sweet friends that are far too good to me, who were willing to help with my children's transportation needs.

I then prayed about what I should do next, and I felt prompted to call my sister. She answered and we talked. I unleashed my fury of tears on her, and she cried with me. And that is what I needed.

While I was on the phone, a lovely lady from church had stopped by with some insanely good chocolate and carmel treats, and a book. She said she felt prompted to bring those things to me. She was inspired, no doubt.

After I got off the phone, the kids and I decided to walk to our friends house to deliver the cupcakes. We enjoyed a walk in the dark and fresh air, and we ended up staying with our friends for a few hours chatting about life and things. It is amazing how just talking can help lift your spirit. We did not want to intrude on our friends, but we kind of did want to intrude -- we needed them.

On our way home we walked in the dark, and the wind was blowing just right. We could feel Charles near. The wind grew more intense as we got closer to our house. We all put our arms out and got a hug from daddy. Right after we walked in the door, it started to rain hard and it rained most of the night.

Everyone went to bed, and I contacted another friend about a mechanic, who I have an appointment with tomorrow.

So, I learned something from this experience.

At first I was very frustrated and full of fear. I began to wonder, "why me, why now?" Can't I have a little breather in between some of these trials?

Nope.

I feel like I am walking through the Refiner's Fire, and it seems as though the refining process is reaching a climax -- one that may, or may not, decrease in pressure. All I want is happiness and hope, and yet I have to find these things in the midst of really challenging circumstances. I am being tested to see if I really can be happy while facing adversity. I preach it all the time -- do I really believe it?

Yes.

Despite my circumstances, I can still choose happiness and hope.

I will survive this. The car will be fixed. It will be OK. I just have to do what it takes to make it happen.

I also realized how much I need people. I could have sat in my house and not reached out for help from anyone, and we could have remained wallowing in our own despair as a family. But instead we pushed through it, and walked when we could not ride to deliver our treats, and it was worth the effort. I also was inspired to call someone to talk with, so I would not feel alone. And I needed to ask for help with getting the kids where they need to go. And help to find a mechanic. All of these things took action and a willingness to ask, and the action and asking made all the difference -- rather than just sitting around and crying about how life is not fair.

People are good, by the way. Oh, so, good. I am just learning how wonderful people really are.

This morning my sister sent me a talk with this quote in it by Elder Faust, he said:

As problems and difficulties have come in my life, I have tried to face them as best I could, relying more on the help of our Heavenly Father than the comfort from tears. I learned the lesson that life’s burdens don’t seem to be so great if we don’t allow ourselves to get paralyzed into a stupor of inactivity by our sorrow and pain. As children of our Heavenly Father, we should learn to be happy, to trust in Him, and to not be afraid.

I could tell that I was close to being "paralyzed into a stupor of inactivity." Fear and worry were trying to creep their nasty way in, after being confronted with a fresh new set of trials. Sitting on the couch and crying for a few hours sounded like a pretty good idea to me. But I was told to get up, and get busy solving the problem. And that made all the difference in the world. (And those chocolatey-carmel bars helped too!) ;)

When you are bummed-out, the best thing to do is get your bum up! 

The road of life is not a smooth ride. It is full of bumps and detours along the way, that we do not want, or expect. But if we listen carefully to the Spirit, we can be guided on how best to maneuver our way through the challenges. 

My cars are both still broken. I do not know the outcome of this story, yet. But I do know that somehow, someway... 

It will work out! 

The Lord works in mysterious ways... this I know for sure!  

I know that trials can be turned into miracles. 

I have hope. 

And hope is a powerful thing.